Her sweet agony
by Alyss.Royalrose
Summary: Alice loves the mad hatter intensily, she cannot live without him, what would happen if Hamish were to end up in wonderland for Alices love, and how would the mad hatter control his fury? M for future chapters!
1. Fairfarren Alice

The sweetest sadness in his eyes, his fiery red hair dancing in the wind, the huge empty smile Alice knew Oh so well, she'd felt her heart brake to a million pieces right then, and out of the corner of his eye, Alice could've sworn she saw a tear come out, his smile showed so much pain, his lips were slightly parted and so were hers, he opened his mouth to say something but regretted it and closed it again "You could stay" he whispered "what an idea, a crazy,mad, wonderful idea" she replied sweetly "But I cant" his smile turned to a frown almost immediately and he raised his hand to caress Alice's face "You wont remember me" his voice broke "Oh hatter how could I ever forget you?" she replied as she pressed her face gently against his hand 'Hatter?" she asked "why is a raven like a writing desk?" he smiled, a huge heartwarming smile and said "why Alice? I haven't the slightest idea!" she took the Jabberwocky's blood and drank it, immediately as if he was afraid she would disappear, he leaned towards her, so close their lips almost met, he turned to her ear and whispered "Fairfarren Alice" and indeed, she disappeared.

Alice had gone completely insane when she left Wonderland behind, she had promised to come back when he least expected, but now she couldn't, and she loved him, 6 years had passed since Alice left wonderland, since Alice left hatter, it was as if part of her heart remained in wonderland, a part that she needed, She was now 24 years old, the looking glass had been destroyed by Hamish, he became furious when he realized that Alice was helplessly in Love with Hatter "YOU! In love with a person that doesn't even exist! How incredulous ! How scandalous of you to have turned me down, me! LORD HAMISH ASCOT, for a stupid hatter, WAKE UP ALICE! Wonderland isn't real! It never existed you made it up! Yes you did!" he screamed at her, he came early that day, to talk to Alice and demand, once again, for her to marry him, he went to her house the very same day she returned from wonderland, he heard her talk to a blue butterfly, which was almost the color of her eyes, except her eyes were an intense shade of blue, too beautiful to ever be compared to anything in the universe, her hair was as black as a raven's wing and it curled and twisted as it pleased, perfect curly loops that decorated her face, her skin as white as snow and her lips were the color of blood, she was really something, Hamish wanted her, she was said to be the most beautiful girl in London and Hamish was sure to find her, when he heard her talk to that butterfly about her beloved hatter he became furious, he also heard about the looking glass "I will not lose, not to a stupid hatter, I will have you Alice, I will have you no matter what Alice Kingsley!" and he broke the mirror, Alice felt shattered after that, Now she could never return, Hamish took everything away from her, her family refused to acknowledge Alice's existence, since she refused to marry Hamish, he took away her money, her dreams and her belongings, she was completely alone now, the only thing she had left was a suitcase, full of clothes, a stuffed rabbit his father gave her before he died, and a diary, where she would write to hatter everyday, she often wondered if hatter forgot about her, if he found love, she wondered if the Bandersnacth was as grumpy as she remembered, she wondered if the teacups still sang at Brillig when all her friends gathered for some tea, "At least I still have you, Cheshire" she said as she looked at the crescent moon, she liked to think that the moon was Cheshire looking out for her, smiling as he always did, Alice tried to commit suicide more than once, she realized life had no meaning anymore, she didn't smile anymore, she was so completely terrified at the thought of forgetting wonderland that she started drawing every single face and detail she had seen in her diary, the thing she drew the most, However, was the mad hatter, but not only did the memories became blurry over time but the drawings of the mad hatter became more sad and angry as time passed, she always drew him smiling but his eyes always showed something else, she stopped drawing him when she drew a picture of him that pained her so much, his eyes were empty, full of nothing, his eyes were hers, she had drawn him with her eyes, she hated that, she stopped drawing him because she was afraid to see what her mad hatter would become "How can I ruin something so beautiful?" she had asked herself, how could she make someone so wonderful so sad, what kind of twisted mind could ever turn someone so full of muchness into someone so empty, she looked at the scars in her wrists, for some reason every time she tried to kill herself, time would not let her, it went so much faster that the cuts healed in seconds, but the scars remained, she had thought that time could only rule wonderland but apparently she was wrong, time, for some reason, Time kept her alive., the blue butterfly still followed her everywhere, which consoled her, maybe she wasn't so alone after all

I HAVE A BUNCH OF SURPRISES FOR YOU GUYS! Preview: SHE FINALLY RETURNS TO WONDERLAND! How will the mad hatter react, will he kiss her or did he forget about her and married someone else? Perhaps he became so full of sorrow that he never wants to see her again? READ AND FIND OUT ! :D.


	2. Hamish almost won

Chapter 2.

Alice went to the park, the blue butterfly remained in her shoulder, she saw her reflection in one of the stores in a street that was close to the park, the last time she had been in wonderland her hair had been blond and her eyes had been brown, but for some odd reason when she came back from wonderland her hair turned a different color and so did her eyes and she became beautiful, she wondered what Hatter's reaction would be he ever saw her again, she wondered if he would like the new Alice or despise her, she wondered what he would think, but Of course Alice was unable to see herself clearly, she never, not even once, thought of herself beautiful, she was completely oblivious to the fact that she was the most beautiful human being, as she crossed the street and arrived at the park, she saw a little girl, she was crying because her balloon had floated away, Alice had some cents in her pocket, they would buy her some bread for dinner, but she felt bad for the little girl, the balloons salesperson looked at the little girl, Alice bought her a balloon, the girl smiled and ran away pleased, Alice smiled too and when she turned around Hamish was there "Alice Kingsley if you don't marry me, I swear I will…" Alice interrupted him and said 'I will" Hamish was startled "excuse me what?" "Hamish I will marry you" Alice assured him, Hamish smiled triumphantly although he couldn't quite believe it, Alice was tired of running away maybe it was time to stop doing so, she knew she could never be happy with Hamish, boring, predictable Hamish, but she also knew that there was no escape from him, this time Alice couldn't win, Alice's butterfly started to fly away but Alice couldn't take it, she couldn't let her butterfly fly away, then she would truly be lonely, so she followed it, She left Hamish there, like she did 6 years ago, Hamish didn't follow her as she followed her butterfly, he was confident that she would return, He was wrong. Alice found herself running in a garden maze, struggling to catch up to her butterfly, but suddenly she felt herself falling, falling, falling down a rabbit hole.

OMG IM SO EXCITED! :D!


	3. Wicked green

Chapter 3

She found herself at home, In her beloved wonderland, her butterfly flew far away into Wonderland, but Alice didn't follow, she knew she would never be alone again "Thank you" she whispered to the butterfly that now was long gone, she started to cry, she realized her suitcase was right next to her, she smiled but didn't contemplate how or when it got there, she was too busy contemplating other things, Wonderland had changed, it was more obscure and it felt like her heart had felt, empty but at the same time it was full of things, beautiful things, after all, it was Wonderland, it was winter and not many flowers were present, now that Alice thinks about it, she's never seen Wonderland at full bloom, it was very cold but as soon as Alice smiled, wonderland's Ice began to melt, a crescent moon appeared in front of her "Cheshire!" Alice screamed in delight and hugged him "Alice" he said in a sigh of relief "you're here, stupid girl" and gave Alice the biggest grin Alice ever saw "How long has it been?" she asked him "Ten long years, Hatter killed time just after you left, to wait for you, so we all stayed the same" Cheshire replied (not in the upper land, he didn't, as she remembered how time had stopped her from killing herself) "I hope that little butterfly of yours doesn't tell hatter, or he will surely kill Hamish" he roared "What? the butterfly was a messenger?" "Yes, I inferred that you would need some company, Im not very happy with what she said" he looked down at her wrists "Of course I told her to leave out some details from hatter, if he realizes what you've done to yourself and why, Im afraid this time he will surely go completely mad, although I have to admit I myself went a little insane" Alice could see Cheshire was mad, this was a surprise, Cheshire was the oldest creature in all wonderland, although he looked very young, he was older than Hatter and the only person (or thing) he ever loved and cared for, was Alice. "Alice you look so different, I wouldn't have recognized you if it wasn't for your smell, roses and rain, lovely" Cheshire said "It would have been quite odd to find a stranger hugging the life out of me, now, now, we must go find hatter" His grin became very unpleasant, as if it hurt him to even think about it "Is hatter OK?" Alice asked quite preoccupied "Besides the fact that he has gone completely insane and we all fear him, I guess….no he's not ok" Alice was startled at this, Cheshire did not know fear, he never feared anything and Hatter was not like that "Umm Cheshire, are you afraid of him?" she asked cautiously "A little" he admitted, and Alice became a little terrified, they remained silent as they started walking towards the forest, "But hatter was always sweet and caring.." she said out loud and Cheshire laughed "Honey, even before you arrived in Wonderland for the 1st time, A LOT of people were scared of Tarrant to death, the only person he cared about was you, even The white queen was a little scared of him, so please don't tell me he's sweet and caring, the Borogove and Bandersnatch put together, now that's what I call sweet" she laughed despite herself and in the distance, they started to walk towards the shadow of a strange hatter, A hatter with a butterfly on his shoulder, she didn't have to get any closer to guess the color of it. "Cheshire?" she asked nervously "Give me your claw" she commanded "Pardon me?" said Cheshire, she grabbed his paw quickly before he could disappear and brushed her shoulder twice with the incredibly sharp claw, 2 pieces of clothing fell to her hand (which belonged to her dress) and she smiled in victory, she used this to bandage her wrists "I swear Cheshire, if you tell him, Ill slay your head with the vorpal sword, you'll lose your heads" she threatened, she was rather proud when she noticed her voice became a menacing obscure tone that made Cheshire look at her "Already lost 'em" he replied with a huge challenging grin and turned his attention to hatter, who was now completely visible and out of the shadows, as soon as Hatter saw her something fell from his hand, a teapot crashed to the ground, the sound startled Alice and when she turned and saw him there, She was paralyzed, His hair looked frizzy and dead, his hat looked old and dusty, his clothes were ragged and colorless, but his eyes, his eyes terrified her, they were black, pitch black, you couldn't even notice the pupils, his hands were stained with orange and she assumed it was mercury, and the bow that always remained in his neck was not there and his skin wasn't pale, it was white, dead white, he didn't look alive, that was the very first time that Alice had ever been truly afraid- he doesn't recognize me- she thought, for he remained paralyzed just like her, and for some reason, instead of running away from the horrible creature that was once her beloved mad-hatter, instead of showing fear or flinching like the Cheshire cat did when he saw him, she ran…towards him, with tears in her eyes, the butterfly told hatter that Alice was home, Hatter couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe it, Alice came back, for him, for wonderland, was she just another painful beautiful hallucination? she embraced him with so much love and hugged him so hard, Hatter wheezed and she asked "Tarrant?" her voice full of worry, his arms finally wrapped around her protectively, and he was holding her as if he was never going to let go ,as if he was never going to let anyone harm her and after embracing her, he let out a sigh of relief "Im fine" he replied, she didn't have to look at him to know that Hatter's eyes became a wicked green.

OMG!LOL Im so excited about my own story, yes I kno Im pathetic XD and proud of it!


	4. you are entirely Bonkers

Chapter 4

Hatter looked down at her, for she was very tiny and he was very tall "Its absolutely Alice!" he said in a low voice "You're absolutely Alice! Id know you anywhere!" Cheshire was so surprised that Hatter recognized her, for she looked so completely different from her last visit "Hater I missed you" she whispered to him, his eyes were now the wicked green she loved, but he wasn't well, not completely, this broke her heart, she knew, instantly that the butterfly kept most of the unpleasantness from Hatter, he would've been furious if he knew "Thank you, your now free" she told the butterfly "Fairfarren, may you travel far under fair skies" she whispered gently and the butterfly flew away, hatter was now looking at her lovingly, she remembered what he told her when she left wonderland, his heart suddenly felt funny, his eyes traveled down her face, down her neck, until he reached her shoulder and when he did, he completely lost it, there was blood in her shoulder, and her snow white skin only made the blood look more noticeable, he immediately looked at Cheshire, there was traces of blood in his claw, this enraged him, someone had hurt her, he let her go walking towards Cheshire, suddenly a small knife appeared in his hand, he moved so fast and with so much grace, as if he had killed a thousand times "Oh dear" Chess said "see the trouble you put me in, Alice" he grinned and a knife flew in Cheshire's direction, and just before it hit him, he disappeared, hatter moved so fast Alice's eyes could barely keep up, suddenly he had chess in his grip, choking him, he was unable to disappear, how did hatter do that? How did hatter see Chess? Why couldn't Chess disappear when Hatter was touching him? "HATER!" Alice screamed "It was an accident, an accident!" Hatter let Chess go and turned to Alice "Is that so?" his eyes immediately softened when he looked at her, but she could see he was still mad "I just wanted some pieces of fabric from my dress, so I used his claw without permission" his eyes returned to normal and he approached Alice, his eyes were loving and caring and sad that she had hurt herself "Alice please be more careful" he begged they turned towards Cheshire who was still in the floor "I'm so sorry old friend" his voice filled with sadness and regret as he apologized to Chess "Finally, its been so long since you last apologized Tarrant" Chess was clearly not mad, he suddenly realized he might as well leave Hatter and Alice alone "I must go now, Im sure you have many things to do" and he disappeared, Alice was blushing uncontrollably but she realized hatter wasn't very happy "I tried to harm my friend" he said in horror "Have I gone mad?" he asked Alice, Alice's eyes became Loving as she approached him hesitantly she looked up at him and very nervously, never taking away her eyes off his, she lifted her hand to check his temperature with so much care, as if he was about to fall to pieces any second now "I'm afraid so, you're entirely Bonkers" she said, her tone was dead serious but then she leaned very closely and letting her lips brush against his ear as she whispered "but ill tell you a secret. All the best people are" and she felt hatter smile.


End file.
